In disgrace with good fortune
by Neko-Neko-wai
Summary: Remus visits Sirius in Azkaban for answers on why he killed Lily and James. Please R


Author's Note: Okay, the ending isn't what I want it to be, but oh well. I may go back and fix it. I tried to capture the very eerie, haunting essence of Azkaban, but oh well. The ending is too rushed. I had ten minutes before school was over and I wanted to finish it. -sigh- Anyway, this is a story of Remus and Sirius. No, it's not slash, though Sirius gets a little slashy for a brief moment. But it's out of pure despartation of a broken man trying to gain back a small beam of happiness. Anyway, this takes place a month after Lily and James died, and Remus goes to talk to Sirius.  
  
  
  
  
  
In disgrace with good fortune  
  
  
  
Off a rocky coast to the west, there lies a tiny island. Bare of life, the large rock protruded out of the sea like a hulking black giant. The island had a simple name: Hellena. Often called the isle of Hell. Set up top this island, a large building reached for the heavens high above. The fortress blocked the sun, casting an eternal shadow over Hellena.  
  
Azkaban, as the building was dubbed, wasn't the only thing that kept the sun from rising over the small rock, for those trapped inside, were locked within the darkness of their minds. Towering high over the steel colored sea level, Azkaban held some of the most dangerous witches and wizards to ever walk the Earth. Many supporters of Lord Voldemort, the most feared Wizard in a century. Voldemort fell from power only a month ago, when little Harry Potter mysteriously stripped him of his power, and the terrible reign of darkness was lifted. The darkness was shoved back to the isle of Hellena, and the sun shone once more.  
  
But this freedom came at such a terrible cost. The Potters, Lily and James, one of the very popular Wizarding families, who spoke against the Dark Arts, were murdered. Their lives wiped from their bodies, leaving behind one little boy with a scar over his forehead, to live within the Muggle World.  
  
Even more terrible then the loss of the Potters, is the unspeakable acts that set their deaths in motion.  
  
The lights from the dull torches burned a blazing midnight blue, casting a ghostly appearance along the walls, as though mimicking death. Their blue flames flickered as a tall, hooded figure glided past them silently, and the echoing footfalls of a rather handsome young man with short, auburn hair. His hues of gentle hazel peered out from behind dark lashes held a sort of melancholy color to them. As the Dementor lead the young man down the silent, damp stone hall, soft murmurs and gentle rusting were heard from behind the rusted bars, where they seemed to cage the depressing black inside.  
  
"Ah, Remus Lupin, you're here, are you?" A rather portly man stood before him as Remus began to slow his walking speed. Place neatly on top of the man's slick brown hair, was a very bright lime green bowler. The vivid color seemed to shine like a beacon of light through the gloom. Draped over his shoulders was a pinstriped cloak. Held in his pudgy hand was a silver key.  
  
"Junior Minister." Remus nodded his hello, causing a lock of auburn to drift across his features, before his right hand rose to sweep it back in place.  
  
"Perhaps you can convince him to speak." The Junior Minister, Cornelius Fudge spoke to him in clipped tones, sounding harried. "Mister Black refuses to speak to anyone but you." Remus' insides gave a funny squirm, as though he had just swallowed a live snake. A small, painful lump in his throat rose at the very thought of coming to face the man who tore apart their friendship, who could murder his best friend and his wife. Not to mention murder helpless Muggles and their other friend, who foolishly confronted him, stricken with grief. His throat became unstuck, and Remus forced himself to speak in a rather strangled voice.  
  
"Yes, Junior Minister."  
  
"Well then," A small, force smile came to Fudge's slightly pudgy face, as he gave the Dementor hovering a few feet away like a silent bringer of death, a shifty look. As Remus' gaze drifted across towards the black floating mass, he gave an inward shudder. The cold seemed to radiate from it. "Shall we?" Taking one swift step towards the very solid looking door, Fudge placed the highly polished, silver key into the small lock, and gave it a swift twist to the right.  
  
The door creaked open loudly, as though trying to scare Fudge and Remus away, it slammed into the wall with a deafening roll of thunder, sounding strangely loud in the hall. The door had revealed a circular staircase, winding upwards out of sight, with only one lonely torch burning blue to show the way.  
  
Remus sincerely wished the Dementor would leave them be. The terrible, soul-sucking creatures caused a wave of sadness to over-come him. With each passing moment, what little happy thoughts were drained, and thoughts of terrible ordeals in his life surfaced, making him relive them over and over in him mind. The day he had been bitten by the Werewolf, the day his father died, the day he thought Sirius and James would abandon their friendship, because of what he was. Not to mention the event that stood out in his mind, as though a picture had been pasted of it over his eyes, the day Lily and James were killed. Finding the house in a smoking ruin, leveled and unidentifiable from the once handsome cream colored house that stood on it's foundation in Godric's Hollow.  
  
Trying his best to suppress this thought, Remus had barely noticed where his feet had carried him in the wake of the memories flooding back to him like water escaping a broken dam. Coming swiftly back to the Real World, Remus stopped walking just in time before he crashed into Fudge, who had stopped at another door, fumbling with the keys on a golden hoop near his belt.  
  
"Now, Lupin," Fudge started grimly, pausing to peer at a key, then flicking through the rest. "Mind you that you must understand that Black is mad. No doubt about it. You might not get a straight answer out of him. If you want to back out now, I'll understand." Holding the rusty key in his hand, Remus shook his head.  
  
"Very well then. " Once more placing the key inside the lock with a small scraping noise, Fudge gave it a twist, and the door sprung open almost soundlessly despite it's very old and woebegone appearance.  
  
Remus stepped inside the damp cell, his eyes adjusting the lack of light. The smell of mold and mildew  
  
burned his nose, and he held back a cough. Movement near the dark corner drew his gaze to a long wooden  
  
bench with a thin, ragged blanket draped across it. A thin man sat leaning idly against the dark wall, one leg  
  
slightly bent upwards, his arm resting idly across it. The mass of black hair hung in his face. Pausing for a  
  
moment, their gazes locked, and the man croaked.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"Sirius?" The man's face broke into a smile, and he stood, his joints popping slightly, both thin arms stretched out, like welcoming back his own son.  
  
"Remus, you're here. I never thought.." But instead of embracing Sirius, Remus backed away.  
  
Noting the look of hurt on his friend's face, Sirius sighed, "Ah, I see."  
  
"Did you kill Lily and James?" Remus asked in an even-tempered voice, though his eye flickered.  
  
Sirius looked away, his eyes closing.  
  
"Yes," he said heavily. "I killed Lily and James." Feeling his knees turn weak, Remus steadied himself.  
  
No, he didn't want to believe any of the stories until he heard it from his best friend's mouth. But, here it  
  
was, lingering before them as the stony silence settled like a weight.  
  
"Please say you're lying." Remus gasped, a note of plea in his voice. But Sirius simply shook his head,  
  
looking grim.  
  
"If only I could." Those lids lifted, and his dark, sad eyes shone through. "I didn't mean to kill them,"  
  
He started out, his gaze lifted to Remus, who stood transfixed, staring at Sirius as though he was mad.  
  
"How could you not know you killed them?" Remus said in a voice of forced calm, his hands balled  
  
and the nails digging deep into his palms. But Sirius continued to look as though he had simply lost his new  
  
puppy.  
  
"Because, I was stupid." Those words were spoken thoughtfully, and his head rose slightly, causing  
  
the matted hair to fall back from his face, showing the pale, sunken skin. "I didn't know."  
  
"Of course you knew! You were their Secret-Keeper! You robbed you own God-son of his family!" Remus now bellowed, his anger  
  
reverberating off the walls, causing Sirius to flinch.  
  
"How is little Harry Potter?" Sirius asked gently, a sort of warmth in his eyes. "Is he okay?"  
  
"He's fine." Remus responded, trying to suppress his rage. "He's alive. Some how he stripped your  
  
master of his powers when he tried to kill Harry. He's gone to live with Lily's muggle sister and her  
  
husband. Not that it matters to you." A sneer came to his face. "What's the matter, wanted to kill Harry as  
  
well?"  
  
"Oh Remus, if you only knew.." Sirius shook his head, looking pitifully at Remus. "Listen to me, I  
  
killed Lily and James. I deserve to be in here."  
  
"You stupid bastard!" Remus spat, crossing the room in three swift strides. "You mean to tell me  
  
you can stand there, and admit you murdered Lily and James, as cool as you please?"  
  
"This is my punishment, I shouldn't have been so foolhardy." He said harshly to himself.  
  
"Shut up! How could you kill Lily and James!? They were your best friends!" Remus felt a pang  
  
of jealousy. He had never been as close as Sirius had been to James. "Why didn't you just kill me? You  
  
favored James over me," These feelings had found a voice, and he began speaking before stopping to think  
  
of the harmful words that he inflicted on Sirius. "Why didn't you just take me?" Remus' voice broke, and he  
  
hung his head in desperation, bitter tears welling in his brown eyes.  
  
"Remus.." Sirius murmured, moving in to embrace his friend, but was shoved back roughly by  
  
Remus.  
  
"Don't touch me, I don't want James' blood on me." The force placed into shoving Sirius had been  
  
enough to throw him off balance. His right, claw like hand reached up, grabbing Remus for support, in  
  
which caused both men to crash onto the cold stone.  
  
"Remus, please, you meant as much to me as James and Lily did. Remus, please," Raising his  
  
hand, Sirius brushed out a tendril of hair from his friend's face. "I did not kill Lily and James-"  
  
"You just said you did!" Remus interjected, trying to pull away. But Sirius continued as though he  
  
didn't hear.  
  
"-directly. I as good as killed them."  
  
"Come off it." Remus snarled, refusing to believe him. Sirius was mad, remember?  
  
"What's going on in there?" the pudgy face of Fudge showed through the thick bars, and his eyes  
  
popped alarmingly. "Good god! Remus! Are you all right? I'll call the Dementors!" And he hurried away,  
  
Sirius' already pale face turning alabaster.  
  
"Please," He said hoarsely, shaking Remus slightly to get his attention. "Please listen, it makes  
  
sense. I'm innocent! I didn't sell Lily or James. But, I set up their deaths without knowing it." The door  
  
swung open and Fudge entered behind to Dementors. Stooping down, he pulled Remus up to his feet,  
  
dusting him off as Sirius stood, trying to fight the chilling powers of the hooded demons. "Please, the Rat,  
  
the rat, he set them up! It's my fault!" Now his frame slumped over as the Dementors began to drag him  
  
back to the bench like bed, draining Sirius, who tried in vein to fight them off. "Please..R-Remus..I never  
  
thought they'd use a weak, talent-less thing like him. Please…it's the rat..he was a double agent.  
  
I..persuaded..Lily an James… to..to ….switch..to..Pe.." And all life seemed to be drained from him, as he  
  
laid on the ragged board, unconscious.  
  
"Howling, barking mad." Fudge shook his head sadly. "I'm terribly sorry to put you through this  
  
terrible ordeal. Never dreamed he'd attack you. But, once a wizard goes to the Dark Side, nothing matters.  
  
Come on, then, Lupin." Fudge swept Remus from the cell, as the Dementors began hovering away from the  
  
ragged, thin man. Casting a look back to his friend, Remus realized that he was no longer the handsome,  
  
clever Sirius Black from Hogwarts, but rather Sirius Black the Stranger.  
  
  
  
It must be true. Once a wizard goes to the Dark Side, nothing mattered to them anymore. He had tried to  
  
blame the death on little Pettigrew. Sirius wanted to walk free for the crime he committed. Feeling a hot  
  
surge of anger, Remus began to walk slowly down the spiral staircase leading to the freedom of the outside  
  
world. Never, he'd never forgive Sirius for this. Taking away the only family he'd ever had. Like the shining  
  
light hidden behind Azkaban, there still was a ray of hope. He still had a chance to protect Harry. And he  
  
swore that he would.  
  
  
  
  
  
Much later that right, when the sun had long since went to slumber, the blue light cast an eerie shadow  
  
across the hall, flooding into the darkness. A sliver of moonlight streamed through he high bars,  
  
illuminating the cheek and jaw of Sirius. One third of his body lurked in the darkness, but his eyes, brightly  
  
alive, were studying over a picture, old and faded. It showed of four friends, laughter on their faces.  
  
Remembering the promise to James and Remus, the promise caught in the glimmer of the moon, Sirius  
  
heaved a sigh. The sound of paper ripping filled the voided silence, and a small part of the picture fluttered  
  
to the floor. The real picture now had a corner removed, where the boy with the rat like face had stood, was  
  
now headless. That was the fate that awaited Peter is Sirius ever caught him.  
  
  
  
  
  
Rolling over, he placed the photo back under the ragged blanket. He swore upon James and Lily's grave  
  
he would avenge them. 


End file.
